Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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