it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
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