so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
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