she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
