HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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