so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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