well I can't set my house on fire every night
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
