why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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