So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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