Have you finally orgasmed yet?
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
