My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
