just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
