So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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