I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
