Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
