we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I am naked and annoyed.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
