I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
