You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
