Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Watching her eat just hurts me
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
