So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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