Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
