My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
