my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
