i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
