Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
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