Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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