I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
