She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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