I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
