I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
