You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
you will always have a special place in my vag
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
