I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
