I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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