The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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