i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
