he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
