he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize
