He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
