12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
