idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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