I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
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