omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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