I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
