So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
This is the high leading the old right now
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
I think i got beer on your cat.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
