I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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