Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I pour the whiskey from now on
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
