Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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