Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
