should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
