We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
