So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Pants 0. Shit 1.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
